We went to see WS's mother yesterday. It was very sad as she no longer knows anyone, can't feed herself, can't walk, and has no idea what is going on. This once vital, strong, and wonderful woman, who was never afraid to speak her mind, has been reduced to a shell that rarely talks, and when she does, the words are coming from the past and in a barely audible wisper.
Her eyes rarely register what is in front of her. She sees things that aren't there. She can't sit up for more than a couple of minutes and she sleeps most of the time. The only thing she truly seems to be aware of are her current pains.
This is her, worst nightmare come to life. She said she was afraid of loosing her mind (as her father dad), and it happened. She was aware it was happening for a while, but now probably has no clue. 3 years ago, she was living in an assisted living home, doing most things for herself. Now she does nothing for herself.
We showed up at the nursing home at 10, but she was asleep. We returned at lunchtime and fed her, then took her outside for a couple of minutes of fresh air. Then she started complaining about her butt hurting (she is skin and bones, so sitting is painfull), and wanting to be put to bed.
Within minutes, she was asleep. D&D said that we were lucky we caught her on a good day - she was actually talking a little, a conversation from long ago carried on in a whisper, and was aware that people were around her for part of the time. Even her roommate said that she was glad Rose was having a good day.
We knew she was in bad shape. We keep in touch with D&D as well as WS's sister (who all live close to Rose and visit often). We thought we were prepared. But when you are there in person, it hits like a ton of bricks.
Adaire is waiting for her, I hope she finds him soon.
For once, Bogie, I do know what you are going through since I went through it with your Grandmother S, my own beloved mother-in-law. Unfortunately, my understanding of your pain does not ease it, but you have my empathy.
One of the sessions at the Kansas State Ombudsman Conference. from which I just returned. was on communicating with residents who are grappling with Alzheimer's. (We are to spend time with each resident of our assigned facility, even when the resident is seemingly unaware of our presence.) The health services community has come around to believing that the way people have instinctively dealt with an Alzheimer's patient's increasingly less tenuous contact with reality is the right approach: we are to enter into their world, conversing on their perceptions, rather than trying to "bring them back to reality". Since Rose's facility is in Kansas, I doubt that it has an assigned (volunteer) ombudsman. Even with the 34 new volunteers that were in my class, there are fewer than 200 volunteer ombudsmen to cover more than 600 facilities. Residents of Rose's facility do have (at least) a regional (paid) ombudsman should the need arise.
Posted by: Cop Car | May 26, 2005 at 08:44 AM
Look out for those bricks, they don't go away. They wait for you to stop looking for them then, "WHAM", they get you again.
I hope the rest of the visit goes better. Give our best to WS.
Posted by: Wichi Dude | May 26, 2005 at 09:12 PM
It used to be that we could "enter her world" and converse a bit. Now, she doesn't seem to hear what we say. As I mentioned, yesterday was a good day - she normally doesn't talk at all.
Posted by: bogie | May 27, 2005 at 07:28 AM